I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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