from now on my penis is your penis
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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