you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
