Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
