Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
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