I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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