Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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