you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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