I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
