Please, let me fuck your mom
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I FOUND THE LEGS
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
