I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
