Michael Bay diarrhea
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
