im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
