She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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