so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
