Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Can Purell be used as lube?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
