mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
