dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize