Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
