yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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