Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
