Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
where are my eyebrows?
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