...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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