if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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