just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
