Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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