would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
