Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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