I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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