a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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