apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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