Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
