There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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