I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
