i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
