Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
