Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
