Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
