My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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