i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
