I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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