he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
