i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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