i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
