i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
