I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
