Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
