tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
