On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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