He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
