dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
