Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
