Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
