You made me cry and you don't even care
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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