After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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