Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
