i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sacagawea was the original milf.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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