5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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