I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
