If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
