Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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