does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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