Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
