Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
