Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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