Can Purell be used as lube?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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