none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
