I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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