Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
