The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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