Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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